The Latin phrase memento mori translates as “remember you must die”. It might sound quite morbid to remind yourself everyday of your mortality. Who wants a reminder of death? But what it really does is remind us to live. To truly make the most of our lives. To not squander the limited time we have in this lifetime. But why do we fail to act? Why do we know what we want in life but instead do nothing to realise it and allow the years to pass us by? In this article I highlight two major causes of inaction, why they must be overcome and how. Both are driven by irrational fear and both I suffered from for most of my life. I still do to a degree as I am, like everyone, a work in progress.
The ultimate cost of inaction
Take a moment to reflect on your life so far. If it were to all end tomorrow would you be satisfied? Would you feel like you had experienced everything you wanted to experience? Achieved everything you wanted to achieve? Become the person you longed to be? If the answer is no, how does that make you feel? Would you have regrets? In my opinion, regret is the ultimate cost of inaction.
As might be expected, common regrets of the dying include wishing they’d spent more time with their children and having had deeper connections with the people they care about. But a few of them also follow another particular theme:
I wish I had taken action.
I wish I had taken more risks.
I wish I hadn’t cared so much about what others think that it held me back from living life the way I wanted.
Caring too much what others think
Why do we all suffer this affliction? Would we care so much if we had already realised our dreams? Probably not. Then why does that prevent us from pursuing our dreams? Why do we allow it to continue and never take the first step?
Because we’re scared to be seen starting small. Scared to be seen pursuing something we might fail at. Scared to be seen falling flat on our faces. That we just look silly for even attempting it. If we’d already made it, we wouldn’t care about these things.
But let’s actually consider for a minute what will happen if you were to attempt the thing and fail:
The naysayers leap at the opportunity to say, “I told you so” along with a list of reasons why it’s a hopeless pursuit and why we should just settle for less. Settle for mediocrity. But you must ignore these people. Their thoughts and opinions will not serve you. They will instead intoxicate your thoughts and influence your mindset. Understand that they behave this way because they too are paralysed by fear. So to have the people around them succeed will hold up the mirror to their own inability to act, expose their own fears preventing them from being everything that they can be. They seek to maintain the status quo, to remain in the (uncomfortable) comfort zone, and keep everyone around them the same.
Everyone else however, will be supportive. They will cheer you on for taking that step, for doing the hard thing. They will congratulate you for choosing yourself. They will acknowledge your courage because they too know what it takes to get out of their own way and lean into fear. They too pursue growth. Surround yourself with people like this as much as possible.
Lastly, failure has its benefits! When it comes to failure, it’s not a case of if but when. You will fail. And that’s ok. 99% of success is failure. We all fail. But the winners in life embrace failure and learn from it. Failure is a lesson, first and foremost.
So in short, ignore the toxic naysayers, surround yourself with supportive like-minded people, and embrace failure. Considering these points, there’s essentially nothing stopping you but yourself. Which brings us to…
Self-limiting beliefs
The other major reason we fail to act is due to self-limiting beliefs. We tell ourselves stories. Who do I think I am trying to be more? Why would I be so foolish to think I’m capable? I should just stay in my lane.
I’m.. not.. good enough.
I was always this way. Zero confidence. But confidence is earned. And the sooner I realised that confidence is a reward and not an entitlement, it had a profound impact on my mindset.
Just think about something you’re already good at. You weren’t confident in the beginning. You were obviously useless like the rest of us when first trying out in something we’re curious about. As you continued to do that thing, your abilities strengthened and your knowledge broadened. Your self-efficacy increased – your belief in your ability to do the thing.
But why does this belief not cascade into all new things as we get older? We instead run the “I can’t do it” tape and allow our limiting beliefs to dictate what we are and are not capable of. Over the years our belief system becomes calcified by fear. A fixed mindset sets in like cement. Excitement and awe is replaced by fear and doubt. Isn’t it funny what growing up does to us?!
So we must be committed and have the courage to take action, embrace uncertainty and step into the unknown. And when we do face that fear, only then are we rewarded with confidence. And rightfully so! It’s in that space that growth happens. Our competence grows alongside our confidence. As long as we have the courage to act.
Consider this quote from Cus D’Amato (trainer to boxing great, Mike Tyson):
“The hero and the coward both feel the same thing, but the hero uses his fear, projects it onto his opponent, while the coward runs. It’s the same thing, fear, but it’s what you do with it that matters.”
Cus D’Amato
Start with an act of courage
And so it begs the question: what are you going to do with all that fear?
Are you going to let it dominate your entire life and dictate every action you take (or don’t take)? Or are you going to remember that everyone experiences fear and that it’s how we respond to it that defines us? Are you going to embrace it, overcome it and take that first small step towards the future you want for yourself?
I urge you to just try it! You won’t be disappointed. See how amazing you feel when you find that courage within you to take action and take that first step towards the life that you desire. Don’t let life pass you by and be another tragic story, lying on your deathbed sharing those same regrets whom so many have taken to the grave.As we’re reminded by momento mori, we all die. Time is precious. So get out of your own way and start living. Don’t you owe it to yourself?